A little post from the toilet paper

Hi there 

I am speaking out for the rolls of toilet paper that have been destroyed in this mad house that these people call a home. Now I know - a roll of toilet paper is something that has neither a voice nor an opinion but for the love of all things sane - I finally had to speak up and say something!!!! 

Point A - I am not a chew toy for a hyperactive 9 month old pug. As if it is not mortifying enough that I have become a chew toy for a pug - I am a chew toy for a pug named Penelope Anne no less AND to add insult to injury, the young people in this house think that her toilet paper antics are hilarious and actually ENCOURAGE this behavior! The mother in the house does seem to have the sense to be suitably upset by the toilet paper chewing but has also not seemed to have the time nor the energy to suitably handle this situation. 

Point B - I am not meant to be entirely spent up on the mummification of a 4 year old. Seriously? Two whole rolls? Fortunately the children stopped at the third roll when they became distracted with the prospect of finding some place to bury said 4 year old sending aforementioned 4 year old into an (appropriate if you ask me) anxiety attack and thus ending the game. 

Point C - I am not a toilet bowl clogger upper. I am meant to be used in modest amounts for appropriate but not necessary to be mentioned bathroom necessities. 

Sincerely, 

The Toilet Paper 

(that the Father in this household is apparently going to be purchasing stock in if he actually holds true to a remark made last night)