Saturday, December 5, 2015

Yep - a blog post

The last time I "wrote" on the blog was December 15th, 2014. That post was actually a post that I had written years before and copied and pasted.

I like to write ya'll - I really do and I miss the blog but I am not going to lie to you - I am in the weeds.

Since this will mostly be read by my Facebook friends who already know me I don't have to go into too many details but I am a fourth grade teacher and the proud parent of a 3rd grader, 5th grader, and 8th grader. That basically means that I get to have 29 children on my mind - pretty much all of the time. I love love love my life but it is not easy right now.

We are happy. We are healthy but I am here to tell you - it is not easy right now.

I really started keeping a blog when my third child was born. Having three kids under the age of 4 will do something to you people - I kid you not. I started the blog because I wanted to remember. I started the blog quite frankly because - well - solidarity my sisters and brothers. Parenting is NOT easy. There are times that it is terrifying and times that it is so joyous that you cannot believe your luck. There are times when your heart is shattering into millions of pieces and times of love so profound I will not even try to write about it here. The truth of the matter is though - most of the time - you are pretty much just slogging through and only someone who is right there in the muck with you slogging through day after day can really understand. Telling our stories keeps us sane. Hearing the advice of those who have pioneered before me gives us guidance. Guiding those with littler ones behind us gives us purpose. The stories of parenthood should be shared and for a while there I was doing a really good job sharing mine.

Then I started sucking at the sharing.

You see - when they are babies and you are slogging it out there are moments of boredom so intense that you literally might pull your eyeballs out just to add a highlight to your day. The monotony and the repetition of when they are young is rough - I mean rough - serious solidarity to those of you are going through it now but also you find yourself still quite a bit. I distinctly remember that I would often volunteer to be the sleeping bear in their pretend play so that dozing off on the floor was an option in between bouts of having to come alive and growl at giggling little ones.

I loved those years. I do sometimes miss those years but when I am with someone with a little tiny one I mostly think - "Lordy I am glad I don't have to do that again." (This is the point in the blog where you do not see my husband and I knocking on wood and vowing to not touch each other for a week just in case I could have possibly just jinxed us with that statement.) but hey - let's face it - we are starting to grey a little bit around the edges around here and honestly - that is just fine with us.

OK Holly - back on point - I was saying - in the little years you did actually have time to blog because they did nap and they went to bed at 7 and good grief did those kids like the Teletubbies so - blogging was an option. I also got to stay home from the time my youngest was born until the time he went off to Kindergarten so my entire focus was them and my house and you really do just need moments to talk like a grown up even if it is just to type.

Now I get to teach. I love to teach. I am good at teaching. I love having colleagues and a purpose. I love being in a classroom but there are just not enough hours in the day.

I also get to parent a teenager which is one of the reasons that I decided to start writing again. Sanity check time here people. I actually said the words the other day to my husband "I have never wanted to bitch slap someone more in my life than I do that child of mind." That sweet angel child who had the curly hair and the chubby cheeks is now a full blown 14 year old girl.

Sweet Jesus take the wheel.


I just can't.

Oh but wait - you are telling me not only now have I gotten these three children this far - alive and functioning in society, I have managed to get myself back into a classroom and situated in a school that loves me and intends to keep me but also I have to PARENT MY ASS OFF for the next 10 years?

Yep - time for me to start blogging again.

Solidarity my sisters and brothers.

More from me tomorrow.