The last time I "wrote" on the blog was December 15th, 2014. That post was actually a post that I had written years before and copied and pasted.
I like to write ya'll - I really do and I miss the blog but I am not going to lie to you - I am in the weeds.
Since this will mostly be read by my Facebook friends who already know me I don't have to go into too many details but I am a fourth grade teacher and the proud parent of a 3rd grader, 5th grader, and 8th grader. That basically means that I get to have 29 children on my mind - pretty much all of the time. I love love love my life but it is not easy right now.
We are happy. We are healthy but I am here to tell you - it is not easy right now.
I really started keeping a blog when my third child was born. Having three kids under the age of 4 will do something to you people - I kid you not. I started the blog because I wanted to remember. I started the blog quite frankly because - well - solidarity my sisters and brothers. Parenting is NOT easy. There are times that it is terrifying and times that it is so joyous that you cannot believe your luck. There are times when your heart is shattering into millions of pieces and times of love so profound I will not even try to write about it here. The truth of the matter is though - most of the time - you are pretty much just slogging through and only someone who is right there in the muck with you slogging through day after day can really understand. Telling our stories keeps us sane. Hearing the advice of those who have pioneered before me gives us guidance. Guiding those with littler ones behind us gives us purpose. The stories of parenthood should be shared and for a while there I was doing a really good job sharing mine.
Then I started sucking at the sharing.
You see - when they are babies and you are slogging it out there are moments of boredom so intense that you literally might pull your eyeballs out just to add a highlight to your day. The monotony and the repetition of when they are young is rough - I mean rough - serious solidarity to those of you are going through it now but also you find yourself still quite a bit. I distinctly remember that I would often volunteer to be the sleeping bear in their pretend play so that dozing off on the floor was an option in between bouts of having to come alive and growl at giggling little ones.
I loved those years. I do sometimes miss those years but when I am with someone with a little tiny one I mostly think - "Lordy I am glad I don't have to do that again." (This is the point in the blog where you do not see my husband and I knocking on wood and vowing to not touch each other for a week just in case I could have possibly just jinxed us with that statement.) but hey - let's face it - we are starting to grey a little bit around the edges around here and honestly - that is just fine with us.
OK Holly - back on point - I was saying - in the little years you did actually have time to blog because they did nap and they went to bed at 7 and good grief did those kids like the Teletubbies so - blogging was an option. I also got to stay home from the time my youngest was born until the time he went off to Kindergarten so my entire focus was them and my house and you really do just need moments to talk like a grown up even if it is just to type.
Now I get to teach. I love to teach. I am good at teaching. I love having colleagues and a purpose. I love being in a classroom but there are just not enough hours in the day.
I also get to parent a teenager which is one of the reasons that I decided to start writing again. Sanity check time here people. I actually said the words the other day to my husband "I have never wanted to bitch slap someone more in my life than I do that child of mind." That sweet angel child who had the curly hair and the chubby cheeks is now a full blown 14 year old girl.
Sweet Jesus take the wheel.
I just can't.
Oh but wait - you are telling me not only now have I gotten these three children this far - alive and functioning in society, I have managed to get myself back into a classroom and situated in a school that loves me and intends to keep me but also I have to PARENT MY ASS OFF for the next 10 years?
Yep - time for me to start blogging again.
Solidarity my sisters and brothers.
More from me tomorrow.
Saturday, December 5, 2015
Posted by iheartbowheads.blogspot.com at 7:31 PM
Monday, December 15, 2014
You know that second grader in the above story from 2012? Well she is now a fourth grader and I have never had a We Believe conversation with her because guess what - she BELIEVES. Without question - without concern - if a kid on a playground were to tell her something other than what she believes I think she would probably tell them to go fly a kite. She believes without reservation, question or concern. Her second grade brother of course just follows along blindly. It will be interesting to continue to share this post year after year and add to it with each child's experiences.
Posted by iheartbowheads.blogspot.com at 3:53 PM
Sunday, December 7, 2014
Posted by iheartbowheads.blogspot.com at 10:07 AM
Wednesday, November 26, 2014
Posted by iheartbowheads.blogspot.com at 2:23 PM
Sunday, November 23, 2014
So tonight I read this article while husband was driving us home from a basketball tournament and I thought to my self - "self - I really relate to that". You see when she says "But for the longest time, it all seemed so endless. It seemed like I’d always have kids up my ass. It felt like I’d be wiping faces and fannies and driving people all over creation forever. And now, just like that, I don’t."
I thought - you know - one day - one day too soon. I just won't.
When I moan and complain - people love that. They tell me that they worry about me and I should slow down. My favorite is always when people tell me that we should do less.....
I just want to say
um - you do see that there are THREE of them - yes?
Three times a dentist - that's a lot.
Three times a pediatrician - that's a lot.
Three times any sort of activity - that's a lot.
Do you see where I am going with this? Don't even get me started on my friends with four kids. I really don't know how they do it except the thing is - I kind of do.
You see - I did the math and you know what - in 5 years my kids will be 17,15, and 13. The baby will not need me to tie his shoes or ask me to watch the Wild Kratts with him. My middle daughter will no longer want me to build legos with her or ask me to look at books with her in the library. My middle schooler will no longer be a pain in the butt. (Well - here's hoping and of course I jest but those of you with middle school age children know that I only jest - just a little bit)
Three is a lot but also three is so awesome. I.WOULD.NOT.CHANGE.A.THING.
I am rambling at this point and you know what - I am a little rusty at this whole blogging thing because (and I am sure that my two readers plus my mother have noticed) I have not been blogging. There are days where I LITERALLY do not stop all day long. When on earth would I blog?
Well you know what - that is all going to change. Who cares if I am a terrible blogger. Who cares if I jot something down that doesn't make sense. It will help me remember this crazy time in my life nad I want that because I am telling you - I am lucky and happy and just because I am busy those facts simply do not change.
I also understand that this time, like the time when they were babies and would fall asleep with their fists in the air in victory or when they were toddlers and would pop up and laugh and say "HERE MY ARE", or the times when they were preschoolers and you would eat your lunch of cheese its and grapes and watch a show like Dinosaur Train and then take a nap, or..... do you see? It is all fleeting.
For posterity's sake - here is what my week and weekend looked like:
oh man - one thing at a time - no way I feel like typing all of that up - let's just take the win (I wrote a blog post) and set the alarm because 5:30 tomorrow is going to come nice and early......
Posted by iheartbowheads.blogspot.com at 7:07 PM
Tuesday, September 2, 2014
***Last night I went in to kiss him as he slept - the last night that a 7 year old would be asleep in my house. His brown little boy hand, tanned from the sun and scratched from his adventures was wrapped around Chubby the Bear. His chest rose and fell and his little face was so peaceful and my heart broke and grew all in the same moment. Birthdays kill me and the baby is the hardest.***
Posted by iheartbowheads.blogspot.com at 2:01 PM
Monday, July 14, 2014
I cannot believe that it has been ten years since this happened!
So I am a big believer in stories - I think that the only way that stories can really live on is if they are retold so each year on my children's birthdays - I like to tell their birth stories. It just so happens that today is such a day.
My Noodle was an easy pregnancy and I was very very excited that she was a girl and I was very very defensive about any "oh you didn't get your boy" cracks. She was meant to be and I knew it and I would not listen to a word edgewise.
We were getting closer and closer to her due date which was July 14th. I did teach until the end of the school year and then my oldest (then age 2) and I spent most of the day in our backyard pool. She was due on July 14th and she was looking like a good size baby so my good buddy Dr. (Insert OB's name here) said that we could induce on July 14th.
Mimi and Papa came over early to stay with my two year old and Husband and I got to the hospital nice and early. All seemed well, I had my epidural in and Husband and I were playing cards. Suddenly, I said, "hey I felt that" and then I said, "hey I REALLY felt that - ouch" and so on and so forth. We called the nurses, and called the doctor back in and the anesthesiologist.
The anesthesiologist normally worked in cardio and he sort of shrugged his shoulders (incidentally - never a good thing for a medical professional to do) and administered more medicine in my epidural. By now, I am in full labor and I am feeling EVERYTHING.
Finally, Husband finally has the presence of mind to lean me forward and look at my back and says, "ummm excuse me - her epidural fell out!" The last dose of medicine that he had given had just soaked my sheets and I had no epidural, was dilated to like a 7 I think and let me tell you - that hurt hurt hurt.
Now I know that some people are natural labor people - great - bully for you - I know myself and had planned on an epidural. Also what is interesting is that even after having a shaky epidural experience with my second - you betcha I had one with my third.:)
As a matter of fact, I have friends that can attest to the fact that in my childbirth class with first born - I nearly asphyxiated myself trying to do my breathing which lead me into my hysterical giggles that I get which then led to a little crying jag - all right in the middle of the class. Anyway - I digress - that is a story for her birth story.
The doctor comes back in and says that he wants to do another epidural - I am in a lot of pain at this point and say, "well sure". Man - sitting up in that bed holding on to Husband and the nurse (who buy the way was one of my Kindergarten students' Moms which was interesting) for dear life while he tried to put that thing back in was - well - tough.
So he gets it going, I lay back, Husband looks sort of haggard and two nurses are standing there chatting. I say to Husband, "Umm honey - I feel funny, I feel REALLY funny." He says, "don't tell me - I think we need to tell them"
Here is what happened next from my perspective, "heeeeeyyyy, looooook aaaattt thhhaaaattt evvverrryyoonnnneeee isssss mooovvvvinnnngg reeeeaaalllly faaaast buuuut I feeel reeealllly slooooowwww."
My blood pressure (which tends to run pretty low normally) dropped dramatically and suddenly this swat team of nurses comes in, pushes Husband out of the way and there are literally like 6 of them all standing around my bed. I remember the blond one at the end looking at me and even though I was feeling so weird I remember my eyes getting bigger and her asking me what was wrong. I think I said that all of them were freaking me out by being in there and asked what was the matter. They basically told me that I had trouble with my epidural and they were going to have to turn it off and get my blood pressure back up.
When that crisis was over and the swat team went on to their next mission, Husband and I were left looking at each other, like "what's next?"
Next thing I know - KK's mom ( the nurse whose name I can't remember now but I remember the little boy) comes in and says it is time to push. Well I push not for very long ( and remember - no epidural anymore so I can feel most of this) and she says, "ok - we have to stop and wait for Dr. Insert OB's name here.
I said, "oh no - I think you are doing great - let's just go ahead!!!" Well Dr. Insert OB's name here came in, said hello to Husband, says hello to the nurses, doing his doctor thing.
He grins at me, is putting some gloves on and goes to start putting his gowns and stuff on and looks down and says, "HEY!" He dropped what he was doing - looked at me and said something along the lines of the fact that they weren't kidding around - I really was ready - I think I pushed one or two more times and then - there she was.
8 pounds, 3 ounces 5:48 - little baby girl. I watched while they took her over to the little baby whatever and she stopped crying almost immediately. My first thought was uh oh and then I looked over and saw her little skinny arm reaching up for the lights. She was so quiet and they gave her to me and I don't think I let her go for a long time after that. She just looked at me like,
"Hi Mommy - I am here - ready to go."
Posted by iheartbowheads.blogspot.com at 5:32 AM