So - today is my 10th Wedding Anniversary. I could write an ooey gooey post about how much I Heart my Husband and I reserve the right to do so but I thought it would be much more interesting to tell a story.
That is the last thing I remember before the accident...........
That was a Sunday
My accident was on a Thursday
At the time I rode horses - Hunters and Jumpers specifically - and we actually lived on the farm where I worked. I was taking a riding lesson and from what I have been told - my horse jumped a jump and when he was in the air he looked down and his feet never uncurled. He literally hit on his knees and then head and then flipped - me along with him.
For ten years now I have tried to remember what that felt like. I just can't. I don't remember any of it.
I don't remember going to the hospital in an ambulance.
I don't remember them cutting my clothes off of me.
My husband says that he came home and someone told him where the ambulance had taken me and that when he got to the hospital to see me they had not cleaned me up.
I don't remember being covered in blood and dirt.
I don't remember his reaction when he saw me.
I don't remember them telling my family that they would not let me go home until I could walk myself down the hall.
I don't remember my Mother half carrying me down the hall because she felt like what I needed was to be out of the hospital and home to rest.
(I guess I should explain at this point that I suffered from a pretty severe concussion, had a bad case of road rash if you will on my face (or dirt rash or mane rash or I don't know) and the white of one eye had blood in it - looked kind of freaky. AMAZINGLY - in my wedding pictures the only things that you can see is the eye if I was looking the right way and you can see where the backs of my hands were bruised from the IV's)
I don't remember why I needed IV's
I don't remember coming home.
I don't remember my husband - er - to be - running to the store to get something and coming home to find me standing in the living room crying because I didn't know where I was.
I don't remember my mother INSISTING that he go ahead and go on his bachelor party and her coming to watch me. (She still tells how funny and nice he was coming through the door wearing a fabric helmet and carrying the giant gorilla from Dave N Busters that originally wore it.)
I don't remember 7 days.
I remember waking up and walking into my bathroom and looking at myself in the mirror and thinking - "I have had a terrible car accident".
That was Monday (so to recap - I lost 3 days before the accident, the day of the accident, and 3 days following the accident)
I remember walking slowly down to the barn to see my horse.
I remember that they told me that he was heart broken.
I remember calling his name and hearing him stir. I remember the sound that he made as I came closer and continued to say his name.
I remember thinking, He thinks that he killed me. He can't believe that I am alive.
I remember the incredible effort that was made by my friends and family to pull off my wedding.
I remember that my poor maid of honor had to sit and wrap toole around plastic spoons and hersey's kisses and little notes that said, "a spoon full of kisses from the Mr. and the Mrs."
I remember how important those silly spoons seemed before my wedding and I remember how unimportant they seemed after my accident.
I remember being completely relaxed on my wedding day.
I remember being very grateful to be alive.
I remember sitting in a wedding dress, feeling tired, holding the hand of a sweet little blond flower girl (who is now in college by the way - sniff) when they told me that it was time to walk down the aisle.
I remember his face and I remember smiling for him.
I remember the reception. I remember that it was fun and I think I remember cutting the cake. I remember it was pretty and yellow and that my mother in law made it and that it looked exactly like I wanted it to look.
I remember my maid of honor helping me go to the bathroom and I think I remember her telling me it was almost over and I would get to rest soon.
I remember my first dance and I remember that I no longer liked my idea of having all of the children blow bubbles at me because I remember feeling crowded and panicked.
I remember pressing my face into his chest and feeling better.
I remember getting into the limo and driving away. I remember my Mom's face and the way she held her hands together as we left.
I do not remember anything about the travel to our wedding destination - that is completely gone.
I remember walking down steps holding my husband - yes now my husband's hand and having to go left leg, together, right leg together - very slowly because I was still a little shaky.
I remember his head peeking around the corner to check on me in a big bath filled with bubbles - just to make sure my head was above water.
I remember dozing and then smiling because I would see his head and then doze and smile at his big blue eyes and then doze and smile...
I remember my honeymoon because each day I felt better. Each day I felt more like me. I could even walk down steps like normal by the time we came home.