Tuesday, January 6, 2009

I am defined by my family

Yikes - I realized something on Saturday that I am wrestling with.....


I am completely defined by my husband and my children! 

I got to actually go sit at Starbucks with a friend and run to Kohls and the dry cleaner. I was in the BD's car and I really felt so strange. It was great - don't get me wrong BUT I am so rarely alone - so rarely without at least some of them that I felt strange. When I drove through the dry cleaners, I wanted to explain to the woman why I was in the car and not the minivan with three car seats. I was sitting outside of Starbucks enjoying the beautiful day (Texas weather - it was 80 degrees on Saturday and high of 45 on Sunday) Anyway - I digress.......outside of Starbucks, I felt like explaining to the people around me that I am really a wife and a mother and was just taking a short break. 

I also - don't really care. Right now - my life is all about them and you know what - that works for them and works for me. I don't think I am losing myself but really finding myself.....

Anyway - the Mom "debate" has always made me crazy. Why is it a debate? Why would I ever dream of telling you whether you should go to work or stay home? Would I tell your husband that? No - it is none of my business what my sisters chose to do - I make my own choices - I let them make theirs......... I consider myself a proud strong stay at home Mom - my choices, my decisions. I was surprised by the realization that at this moment in my life - my work, my life, my choices are all centered around them. 

How crazy is that? 

What about you? Do you ever feel like this?

9 comments:

KGW said...

Just stopping by from SITS...Kudos to you for admitting that and being proud of it. I married with no kids, but I do find myself taking my husband into account on everything I do.

heidi said...

I don't mean being defined by my family. I AM Rob's wife. I AM Sienna/Cara/Corban/Brennan's mom. That's all ok with me. In fact, that's what I WANT.

Better than being known as "That Crazy Lady" which isn't that far fromt he truth, either. ;-)

Veggie Mom said...

I think you really are defined by your opinion of yourself. If your family is a big part of who you are, then that's OK!

Holly at Tropic of Mom said...

Oh, yes. Saturday night, I had the extremely rare opportunity to go out to dinner with friends without my husband or son. And it felt really weird. Especially because my friend's son, who is about the same age as mine, was with us.

Kacey R. said...

You preach it girlfriend! I think that is funny about Starbucks. It made me chuckle. I am glad you got a little break. We all need it now and again. :o)

EmilytheCreative said...

I know exactly how you feel. I'm going back to school and then hopefully on to work.. but only after the kids are in school. And I still struggle with even that decision. I am a mom and it does define me.. for now.. and then later maybe not. Ya know?

Tam said...

OOO I feel this way about a 100 times a WEEK! Being a TEEN of the 80's we were told that we could do it all HAVE a CAREER, Husband and kids...do it all and wear all the hats at once. Back then it was not COOL to be a STAY AT HOME MOM. That mentality stuck with me up until I found out that I was 35 and prego I made a decision to do what was GOING to be BEST for ME and MY FAMILY...and it was for this moment in time to be that STAY AT HOME MOM!

Happy Campers said...

I loved your post! I had a friend who used to get so mad at me for not wanting to take as much time for myself as she did for herself.

She never understood that I didn't need that time myself. For me, what we do is what works...

She was mortified we were homeschooling and told me so.

She thought my husband had issues and told me so.

We're no longer friends becasue I finally stood up one day and told her what-for.

I say everyone finds the balance that works for THEM and as long as someone is happy, that's what is important!

Sig said...

I am defined by my family (I have a husband and 8 kids) and I am very proud of it too!!
Love your blog, I am here from SITS.
Love bows, have over 300. Yup, I am nuts.