Sunday, March 11, 2012

Last ski of the season

We just finished up our 4 day ski weekend which, incidentally, will wind up being our last ski of the season because this has been a very strange winter and we are fresh out of snow.

So here are some random thoughts and quotes from the weekend:

From my 5 year old as he is flying by me:

"Look out Momma! I am going smoking fast!!!!!!!

I will reiterate from a previous ski post:

little kids are crazy.

My seven year old is a skiing machine. Indefatigable I tell you. If you know her you know she is such an easy going little person - super quick to laugh with a very unique outlook on life. Let me tell you - on skis - she is a maniac but in the same easy unique way. She is going to be quite the skier I think. I love the way that she raises her arms up and goes


Whenever she is finished with something especially hard or fast.

I love that the biggest gnarliest jackass (excuse the language) of a skier or a snowboarder will come screaming to a stop to stand and stare down at a little kid that has fallen. Total silence and total look of solidarity like -

"Dude - bummer when you fall. I will totally call ski patrol if you need me to. Been there done that. I completely remember what it was like to go down when I wanted to do the big runs when I was five."

I have been popping Tylenol and ibuprofen like it was candy. Candy I tell you.

Another good quote from my 5 year old.

"Ok come on guys - we are going to rock this slope like it is dynamite!"

When you are skiing/snowboarding with little kids you gotta go Gambler style - you gotta know when to hold 'em and know when to fold 'em.

We were at dinner one night and my 10 year old clears her throat while looking at a menu and says,

"Hello? Hello? Is thing thing on?"

We all look up.

She then has her eyes on the menu and says,

"I speak for the children (if you have seen the Lorax this is funnier)

and I would like to discuss dessert."

Oh man I laughed hard that that one.

Tylenol precise pain relieving cream totally does exactly what it advertises that it does. It relieves pain. Be ready to get your sinuses cleared when you go on a ski weekend with me because I love that stuff!

Aunt Heather taught the kids the term yard sale in skiing. It basically means you had a big enough crash that all of your ski stuff is spread out all over the mountain - you know - yard sale style. Well my 7 year old had a really good yard sale and I got to her and her Daddy was brushing the snow out of her teeth and she looked up all snowy and disheveled and said,

"Now THAT was a yard sale"

Man I laughed so hard on that slope. Really really hard.

Here is my biggest piece of advice for beginning skiers or returning to skiing skiers or - wow my body is getting old skiers....

TAKE A LESSON!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So I was doing pretty well. I am certainly not a speed demon but I was improving a little with each run and having a fun day on our second day of the trip. I was actually thinking to myself,

"Self - you are totally rocking this slope"



Yep - I bit it. Hard. The bad thing about this particular bite out of the slope was I fell backwards and then sort of spun so my head was facing downhill and my legs still stuck in my skis (because I initially fell backwards) were twisted at very strange - not good for your knees - kinds of angles and I was stuck. Thankfully the other family that we were skiing with's Dad (from here on referred to as otherfamiliesDad) was right behind me. I was saying,


and he went all rescue guy on me and threw himself down and punched my ski so that my leg released. Man - I was so thankful to have my leg out of that ski. It was pretty funny because another skier came up and asked if we needed ski patrol (you remember the solidarity thing) and otherfamiliesDad says, "um maybe".

Long story short I got myself unkinked. I was fine (sore but fine) and I kept on skiing. Well the next day I just kept getting worse. Instead of rocking the slope like dynomite I was snowplowing it like a big slow bulldozer. Terrible I tell you, terrible.

Anyway - I called the ski resort from the chairlift and told them that I was having a crisis of confidence and needed a lesson. Then I left my family and decided to take my lesson right away while they were all eating their lunch so that I could continue on as normal for the rest of the day.

Here is how the lesson went:

SkiinstructorladynamedBrenda: ok I am just going to watch you ski down this easy green and see what is going on

Me: ok

Me: - ski down slowly turning perfectly the whole way (because it was a much easier hill)

SkiinstructorladynamedBrenda: Well, um, that looked perfect

Me: No no that is not what I do - we gotta do a harder one


Me - ski down a harder hill turn well to the right completely messing up my turns to the left

SkisinstructorladynamedBrenda: oh I see - you just need to get your left knee to go a little more to the left

Me: knee to the left?

SkiinstructorladynamedBrenda: Yes - think left knee out

Me: ski perfectly down a harder hill

SkiinstructorladynamedBrenda: ok that was perfect - now this time just think left knee out and right hip the other way

Me: left knee out right hip the other way?

SkiinstructorladynamedBrenda: yep that's it

Me:ski perfectly down a harder hill

Then we go down a way harder hill and I throw it into a snow plow at one steep part.

Me: Well what about that snowplow?

SkiinstructorladynamedBrenda: What about it? You did great. You went back to your basics when you were in trouble and then went back to your turns once you were out. Great job.

Me: So I should do that again if I am on a hard hill?

SkiinstructorladynamedBrenda: yep just like that

Me: well ok then

End of lesson:

Me: So I'm fixed?

SkiinstructorladynamedBrenda: all fixed

and I was - totally fixed. Went to the top of the mountain on the last day of skiing. Skied down all the blues behind my crazy family. Never fell once and had a blast. (Still not winning any races but you know - keeping up which has been my goal the entire time.)

65 bucks for left knee out right hip the other way and snowplow if you need it

Worth EVERY penny.

Take the lesson I am telling you. They know the right words to say. I promise.

Now I am cleaning all the ski stuff and putting it away and getting ready for - wait for it - one of my four favorite Seasons ('cuz I really love them all on account of being good natured and all of that...)



Foursons said...

Sounds like such a fun 4 days! Your kids are hilarious, I was cracking up at all their one-liners.