For YEARS I have been sharing funny and personal moments about my family on this blog. I even have a blog before this that was private and DARLING and I have so many precious memories from. One of these days I am going to use one of those print my blog applications and have an incredible keepsake.
That said - my kids are 14, 11 and 9 now and we are entering a new phase of our life. I have started and stopped SO.MANY.POSTS. I do have so many stories to share - funny and horrifying and things I have learned and things I want to tell you to try and things I want you to NEVER.EVER.DO but you know what? I am the Coach. Husband and I need to be on our absolute A game for the next 9 years and no successful coach in their right mind would ever release inside stories and details of plays that they are running while they are playing the game.
My oldest found this blog and has read it cover to cover. I would LOVE to share teenage stories with you but also - I need her to feel safe. I need her to know that each and every conversation that she and I have is not going to turn into a blog post.
There is also no WAY that I am going to release victory details on battles that been waged in this house to the next two soon to be teenage warriors who are warming up for the fight. Sorry folks - I love you more than my luggage but I seriously can't do that.
Now the nice thing for me is that this has never been a big blog and the folks that read this are my actual friends so ya'll - seriously - anytime - come and pull up a chair, pour a glass of wine and let's swap stories. I get some of my best stuff from other people and I really do want to share. I just won't share online.
That said - I have been asked on MULTIPLE occasions what our internet rules are so here goes - they are pretty simple:
1. We have all of their passwords. If you want to go on social media - great. We have access - to everything. We are also smart enough to know that they are probably trying out some new secret social media thing as we speak. It's alright - bring it on - keeps us on our toes. ;)
Now right here in typing this I am actually putting myself in some danger because I happen to know for a fact that A LOT of my childrens' friends do not have this policy. If you are one of those parents PLEASE - I am really begging you here - PLEASE do not go to your teenage child and say "well Oldest Bowheads Childs' Parents have her passwords".
(I do love ya'll so here is the one and only thing I will say - your children have "rinstas" and "finstas" and snaprants and GOD KNOWS WHAT ELSE. I am telling you - they have accounts that you don't know about and what they post there is really quite unbelievable.)
ok - I cannot say another word about that - on to rule number 2
2. All devices are turned in at 9:30. Period. End of story. We did learn from this lesson because the charging station USED to be downstairs in common area of the house. The charging station now lives in my room. By my bed. Lesson learned.....
3. We respect the family. Period - this family is a safe place. No picture is to go anywhere without permission. No story to be shared. No ranting - period. end of story. This goes for adults (read - me - Husband is not on social media) and kids alike.
4. We have implemented time limits and parental controls and we do use Circle by Disney. That is a whole other post so I will type that up and post next.
5. The last internet rule is a parent rule - we have vowed basically to never say never. We will not say "oh my child would never...." I would never...." "That could never happen to us...." because we have already learned - they will, we might, and it probably already has......
My final point is that all of this has caused some BIG fights but also some VERY amazing teachable moments.
Our mantra has been from the beginning to your children:
You are precious. You are the MOST IMPORTANT THING that we will ever ever do. We make you get shots and go to the dentist and finish your homework and eat your broccoli. We don't get to be the good guys and we are totally down with that. We completely own our bad guy role.
We would never let you eat nothing but cupcakes (and we really like cupcakes). We would never let you sit around and only watch TV (and we like TV). We won't let you have unlimited time online (and we like online).
It is our job to parent you and there is no way on God's big, green earth that we would ever let you loose on the big, bad internet without doing our damndest to parent you through it. Sorry - know that you are loved and know that we are trying our very best to do right by you.
It would be SOOOOOO much easier to just sit around at night and eat bon bons and watch TV and eat fast food and not have to talk to any of them but you know what - we aren't taking the easy way out.
How will it turn out?
I really don't know but I will tell you - we won't go down without fighting.
Tuesday, April 12, 2016
Blogging, Social Media, Parenting Teenagers and our decisions
Saturday, December 5, 2015
Yep - a blog post
The last time I "wrote" on the blog was December 15th, 2014. That post was actually a post that I had written years before and copied and pasted.
I like to write ya'll - I really do and I miss the blog but I am not going to lie to you - I am in the weeds.
Since this will mostly be read by my Facebook friends who already know me I don't have to go into too many details but I am a fourth grade teacher and the proud parent of a 3rd grader, 5th grader, and 8th grader. That basically means that I get to have 29 children on my mind - pretty much all of the time. I love love love my life but it is not easy right now.
We are happy. We are healthy but I am here to tell you - it is not easy right now.
I really started keeping a blog when my third child was born. Having three kids under the age of 4 will do something to you people - I kid you not. I started the blog because I wanted to remember. I started the blog quite frankly because - well - solidarity my sisters and brothers. Parenting is NOT easy. There are times that it is terrifying and times that it is so joyous that you cannot believe your luck. There are times when your heart is shattering into millions of pieces and times of love so profound I will not even try to write about it here. The truth of the matter is though - most of the time - you are pretty much just slogging through and only someone who is right there in the muck with you slogging through day after day can really understand. Telling our stories keeps us sane. Hearing the advice of those who have pioneered before me gives us guidance. Guiding those with littler ones behind us gives us purpose. The stories of parenthood should be shared and for a while there I was doing a really good job sharing mine.
Then I started sucking at the sharing.
You see - when they are babies and you are slogging it out there are moments of boredom so intense that you literally might pull your eyeballs out just to add a highlight to your day. The monotony and the repetition of when they are young is rough - I mean rough - serious solidarity to those of you are going through it now but also you find yourself still quite a bit. I distinctly remember that I would often volunteer to be the sleeping bear in their pretend play so that dozing off on the floor was an option in between bouts of having to come alive and growl at giggling little ones.
I loved those years. I do sometimes miss those years but when I am with someone with a little tiny one I mostly think - "Lordy I am glad I don't have to do that again." (This is the point in the blog where you do not see my husband and I knocking on wood and vowing to not touch each other for a week just in case I could have possibly just jinxed us with that statement.) but hey - let's face it - we are starting to grey a little bit around the edges around here and honestly - that is just fine with us.
OK Holly - back on point - I was saying - in the little years you did actually have time to blog because they did nap and they went to bed at 7 and good grief did those kids like the Teletubbies so - blogging was an option. I also got to stay home from the time my youngest was born until the time he went off to Kindergarten so my entire focus was them and my house and you really do just need moments to talk like a grown up even if it is just to type.
Now I get to teach. I love to teach. I am good at teaching. I love having colleagues and a purpose. I love being in a classroom but there are just not enough hours in the day.
I also get to parent a teenager which is one of the reasons that I decided to start writing again. Sanity check time here people. I actually said the words the other day to my husband "I have never wanted to bitch slap someone more in my life than I do that child of mind." That sweet angel child who had the curly hair and the chubby cheeks is now a full blown 14 year old girl.
Sweet Jesus take the wheel.
Seriously.
I just can't.
Oh but wait - you are telling me not only now have I gotten these three children this far - alive and functioning in society, I have managed to get myself back into a classroom and situated in a school that loves me and intends to keep me but also I have to PARENT MY ASS OFF for the next 10 years?
Yep - time for me to start blogging again.
Solidarity my sisters and brothers.
More from me tomorrow.
Monday, December 15, 2014
We Believe - the yearly post
****2014 update******
You know that second grader in the above story from 2012? Well she is now a fourth grader and I have never had a We Believe conversation with her because guess what - she BELIEVES. Without question - without concern - if a kid on a playground were to tell her something other than what she believes I think she would probably tell them to go fly a kite. She believes without reservation, question or concern. Her second grade brother of course just follows along blindly. It will be interesting to continue to share this post year after year and add to it with each child's experiences.
Sunday, December 7, 2014
A birth story - thirteen years told.....
She loved our dogs! Sniff Logan and Lewis - miss them.
Wednesday, November 26, 2014
a hashtag night before Thanksgiving post
#becauseyouknowIlovemesomehashtags
#cozy
#snow
#grocerystorewasnotasbigofabeatingasIthoughtitwasgoingtobe
#littleyellowhouse
#electricblanket
#newbookonthenook
#fireblazing
#husbandmakinghomemadepizzas
#Ilovethatguy
#pugsnoring
#nowheretobe
#happy
Sunday, November 23, 2014
In the Trenches
So tonight I read this article while husband was driving us home from a basketball tournament and I thought to my self - "self - I really relate to that". You see when she says "But for the longest time, it all seemed so
endless. It seemed like I’d always have kids up my ass. It felt like I’d
be wiping faces and fannies and driving people all over creation
forever. And now, just like that, I don’t."
I thought - you know - one day - one day too soon. I just won't.
When I moan and complain - people love that. They tell me that they worry about me and I should slow down. My favorite is always when people tell me that we should do less.....
I just want to say
um - you do see that there are THREE of them - yes?
Three times a dentist - that's a lot.
Three times a pediatrician - that's a lot.
Three times any sort of activity - that's a lot.
Do you see where I am going with this? Don't even get me started on my friends with four kids. I really don't know how they do it except the thing is - I kind of do.
You see - I did the math and you know what - in 5 years my kids will be 17,15, and 13. The baby will not need me to tie his shoes or ask me to watch the Wild Kratts with him. My middle daughter will no longer want me to build legos with her or ask me to look at books with her in the library. My middle schooler will no longer be a pain in the butt. (Well - here's hoping and of course I jest but those of you with middle school age children know that I only jest - just a little bit)
Three is a lot but also three is so awesome. I.WOULD.NOT.CHANGE.A.THING.
I am rambling at this point and you know what - I am a little rusty at this whole blogging thing because (and I am sure that my two readers plus my mother have noticed) I have not been blogging. There are days where I LITERALLY do not stop all day long. When on earth would I blog?
Well you know what - that is all going to change. Who cares if I am a terrible blogger. Who cares if I jot something down that doesn't make sense. It will help me remember this crazy time in my life nad I want that because I am telling you - I am lucky and happy and just because I am busy those facts simply do not change.
I also understand that this time, like the time when they were babies and would fall asleep with their fists in the air in victory or when they were toddlers and would pop up and laugh and say "HERE MY ARE", or the times when they were preschoolers and you would eat your lunch of cheese its and grapes and watch a show like Dinosaur Train and then take a nap, or..... do you see? It is all fleeting.
For posterity's sake - here is what my week and weekend looked like:
oh man - one thing at a time - no way I feel like typing all of that up - let's just take the win (I wrote a blog post) and set the alarm because 5:30 tomorrow is going to come nice and early......
Tuesday, September 2, 2014
A Birth Story of the baby - the baby is always the hardest
***Last night I went in to kiss him as he slept - the last night that a 7 year old would be asleep in my house. His brown little boy hand, tanned from the sun and scratched from his adventures was wrapped around Chubby the Bear. His chest rose and fell and his little face was so peaceful and my heart broke and grew all in the same moment. Birthdays kill me and the baby is the hardest.***
Monday, July 14, 2014
Ten years later - a birth story
I cannot believe that it has been ten years since this happened!
So I am a big believer in stories - I think that the only way that
stories can really live on is if they are retold so each year on my
children's birthdays - I like to tell their birth stories. It just so
happens that today is such a day.
My Noodle was an easy pregnancy and I was very very excited that she was a girl and I was very very defensive about any "oh you didn't get your boy" cracks. She was meant to be and I knew it and I would not listen to a word edgewise.
We
were getting closer and closer to her due date which was July 14th. I
did teach until the end of the school year and then my oldest (then age
2) and I spent most of the day in our backyard pool. She was due on July
14th and she was looking like a good size baby so my good buddy Dr. (Insert OB's name here) said that we could induce on July 14th.
Mimi
and Papa came over early to stay with my two year old and Husband and I
got to the hospital nice and early. All seemed well, I had my epidural
in and Husband and I were playing cards. Suddenly, I said, "hey I felt that" and then I said, "hey I REALLY felt that - ouch" and so on and so forth. We called the nurses, and called the doctor back in and the anesthesiologist.
The anesthesiologist normally worked in cardio and he sort of shrugged his shoulders
(incidentally - never a good thing for a medical professional to do)
and administered more medicine in my epidural. By now, I am in full
labor and I am feeling EVERYTHING.
Finally, Husband finally has the presence of mind to lean me forward and look at my back and says, "ummm excuse me - her epidural fell out!"
The last dose of medicine that he had given had just soaked my sheets
and I had no epidural, was dilated to like a 7 I think and let me tell
you - that hurt hurt hurt.
Now I know that some people are
natural labor people - great - bully for you - I know myself and had
planned on an epidural. Also what is interesting is that even after
having a shaky epidural experience with my second - you betcha I had one
with my third.:)
As a matter of fact, I have friends that
can attest to the fact that in my childbirth class with first born - I
nearly asphyxiated myself trying to do my breathing which lead me into
my hysterical giggles that I get which then led to a little crying jag - all right in the middle of the class. Anyway - I digress - that is a story for her birth story.
The doctor comes back in and says that he wants to do another epidural - I am in a lot of pain at this point and say, "well sure". Man - sitting up in that bed holding on to Husband and the nurse (who buy the way was one of my Kindergarten students' Moms which was interesting) for dear life while he tried to put that thing back in was - well - tough.
So he gets it going, I lay back, Husband looks sort of haggard and two nurses are standing there chatting. I say to Husband, "Umm honey - I feel funny, I feel REALLY funny." He says, "don't tell me - I think we need to tell them"
Here is what happened next from my perspective, "heeeeeyyyy,
looooook aaaattt thhhaaaattt evvverrryyoonnnneeee isssss
mooovvvvinnnngg reeeeaaalllly faaaast buuuut I feeel reeealllly
slooooowwww."
My blood pressure (which tends to run pretty low normally) dropped dramatically and suddenly this swat team of nurses comes
in, pushes Husband out of the way and there are literally like 6 of
them all standing around my bed. I remember the blond one at the end
looking at me and even though I was feeling so weird I remember my eyes
getting bigger and her asking me what was wrong. I think I said that all
of them were freaking me out by being in there and asked what was the
matter. They basically told me that I had trouble with my epidural and
they were going to have to turn it off and get my blood pressure back
up.
When that crisis was over and the swat team went on to their next mission, Husband and I were left looking at each other, like "what's next?"
Next
thing I know - KK's mom ( the nurse whose name I can't remember now but
I remember the little boy) comes in and says it is time to push. Well I
push not for very long ( and remember - no epidural anymore so I can
feel most of this) and she says, "ok - we have to stop and wait for Dr.
Insert OB's name here.
I said, "oh no - I think you are doing great - let's just go ahead!!!" Well Dr. Insert OB's name here came in, said hello to Husband, says hello to the nurses, doing his doctor thing.
He grins at me, is putting some gloves on and goes to start putting his gowns and stuff on and looks down and says, "HEY!" He
dropped what he was doing - looked at me and said something along the
lines of the fact that they weren't kidding around - I really was ready -
I think I pushed one or two more times and then - there she was.
8
pounds, 3 ounces 5:48 - little baby girl. I watched while they took
her over to the little baby whatever and she stopped crying almost
immediately. My first thought was uh oh and then I looked over and saw
her little skinny arm reaching up for the lights.
She was so quiet and they gave her to me and I don't think I let her go
for a long time after that. She just looked at me like,
"Hi Mommy - I am here - ready to go."
Tuesday, April 15, 2014
If you had told me.....
If you had told me a year ago that I would let 4 months go by on the Bowheads blog without a word from me I would have said...
No - not me - I will always have time to jot down my little stories.
If you had told me 15 years ago that I would be teaching third grade in a little town in Massachusetts I would have said...
No - not me - I am good with the babies. I will always teach Kindergarten and Massachusetts? Where is that?
If you had told me 12 years ago that the baby girl with the curls that I held in my arms would be as tall as I am by the time she was 12 and would be sitting in the front seat chatting with me about life I would have said
No - not then - that is way too fast. Not in 12 years
If you had told me 7 years ago when my sweet baby boy was born that I would be sitting around a campfire on a cool April day in a little New England town sitting under a blanket laughing until I cried because he was singing a song about a Red Solo Cup and had just finished an animated verse with "Freddie Mac kiss my A$$ - WHOO" I would have said....
Anyway I digress....
If you had told me 6 years ago that the 3 year old that I would spend hours sitting and literally watching her breathe would be so strong and healthy. If you had told me as I bathed her sores and pounded her back and held her hand as she did her nebulizer treatments that she would become quite literally one of the strongest and most independent people I know I would have said
No - that is my hope and dream but not this one. She is too frail. She is too sick.
If you had told me 18 years ago that I would still love my husband with my whole heart as much as I did from the very beginning I would have said
Yes - yes I know.
If you had told me 20 years ago that I would still talk to my Mom every single day I would have said
Yes - yes I know.
If you had told me 13 years ago the moment that I first found out that I was going to be a Mom that it was going to be the hardest best thing I ever did I would have said
Yes - yes I know and I can't wait.
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
The Story of When We Almost Wrecked the Plane on New Years Day (or at least the flight attendants acted like we were going to...)
So we thought it was a really swell idea to save 500 bucks and fly back home on New Years Day at 8:00am. That meant that we were dragging sleeping children out of bed at 5. Yep - to answer your question it was pretty much as awesome as it sounds.
Anyhoo - we got to the airport, got some breakfast, got on board.
The flight flew by and before we knew it we were above Boston.
Hooray!
Start to descend.
Then start to ascend
at this point I was like
shoot.
Because there are two kinds of people - puke and ralliers and non pukers. Well, my youngest daughter and I are puke and ralliers. We puke at the drop of a hat and we are especially prone to motion sickness. We can puke effortlessly and bounce back quickly but still - who likes to puke? Not me.
I must also preface this story with - this was not my first rodeo in terms of puking on a plane. Been there, done that so I pretty much knew we were in trouble before we were even in trouble.
So the story moves along (at a snails pace as it tends to with me). Daughter pukes in a bag - as we do. Tidy, effortless, soundless. We pretty much have it down to a science. Then it is my turn.
At this point I am like - "ok - good deal - crisis averted. Moving on."
Crisis so not over. You see the pilot gets on the loudspeaker and says,
"Well - you may have noticed that we just passed the airport..."
My little puker and I just looked at each other and rolled our eyes like -
no &#@! Sherlock.
Anyway - he says there was a little problem with the wing flaps and he was going to do a back up test and we would land in 20 minutes.
We were like - ok no problem.
Then the flight attendants (that is what you call them now right?) who incidentally were
mean like snakes start fluttering about like the whole damn plane was already on fire. One of them actually looked at me and was visibly shaking and says "we are going to be fine". I was seriously like "um ok that would be good". Now I can't blame them for being mean like snakes before the crisis because every single one of them was over 45 at least, it was New Years Day and it was 8:00 in the morning. They were obviously grumpy and had been around the block a few times and could not care less how polite I was or how cute my children were. (The answer to both of those things is EXTREMELY but still - they were a no go on the smiling, polite, common courtesy thing.)
Anyway one of the flight attendants gets on the loudspeaker and her voice is shaking and here is what she said (more or less):
"Well - um - ok - it looks like we are going to have a crash landing so I am going to read you the emergency procedures. Please look at your BRACE positions on the emergency procedures card." (Then she proceeds to start to read the entire card in a shaky, somewhat stuttering voice.)
Halfway through the speech she says (and I SWEAR I am not making this up) "Now - you guys don't start to freak out. I have to read this to you in case of an emergency."
Husband turns around at this point and we share that look in the eye. You know the look - the one where you are quickly making a decision to take the feverish baby to the hospital or you are trying to read each others minds at a school function to find the quickest way out or the one where you hear the scream in the middle of the night that is so loud that you run into each other at the foot of the bed. You know - the "I am sure that we are going to be fine but we probably better be on the same page at this moment" look.
Right around this moment the pilot jumps on (which I thought was pretty funny because he basically cut her off) and he explains that we are in fact coming in for a landing and that the flaps on the plane were not testing high enough or low enough or whatever they need to be to correctly slow down the plan so he has
called the fire department. Yep - called the fire department. Even the puker at this point thought this was great. Both girls were like "Yahtzee! This is finally starting to get interesting."
Anyway - he called the fire department because he is not worried about crashing but somehow the landing could stress the breaks and burn them up. He explains that it could be a bit of a bigger bump when we land or it could be nothing at all but that the entire crew was simply preparing for any eventuality.
Husband and I were like "ok - cool - no problem - this is totally doable."
(all said in a look mind you) but he does move over (he and my son were lucky ducks who had an empty seat in between them on the flight) and sort of tuck the little guy in next to him. Did I mention that at this moment my youngest had chosen to fall into a deep sleep?
The lady gets back on the loudspeaker and starts talking about how important it is that we all listen to her and also that we take NO PERSONAL ITEMS with us if we have to evacuate quickly. NONE. At this point my 12 year old looks at me and here is her look:
"UM HAIL to the no if you think I am leaving this brand new ipad mini on this airplane for one second. I will wrestle that flight attendant to the GROUND if she thinks she is getting this thing away from me."
I understand the look and explain that I don't think that we will need to do this but they are just taking precautions. I do have to say at this point I looked at the copy of "Peter Nimble and his Fantastic Eyes" that one of my third graders had given me and I was reading on the plane to make sure it was a good read aloud. I did not worry about my headphones or even my work computer but I did give a second thought to that book because I hated to lose it. I did console myself by thinking it would be a pretty awesome story to tell them until I got another copy.
Anyway - I have stretched a short period of time out as usual but the flight attendants make one more sweep. LITERALLY shaking like a leaf. They got on the loudspeaker and made sure that none of us had on high heels or had our glasses out so we wouldn't get stabbed. Once again I was like "um ok - that doesn't sound good".
All of use were quiet and calm. I mean really - what do you say? The girl next to me did say, "well this is getting exciting" and I just kept telling my girls what a fun New Years Day story we were going to have to tell and that it was all going to be fine.
Then bump, bump (it was at this point that I said in my head, "ok Father God - I know that you have this under control here but if it is all the same with you I would love to not wreck this plane today - K?")
I do have to admit that as soon as we were on the ground I thought - "ok phew - it would be pretty cool if we burst into flames or something now" but then rethought that and was quite pleased when all was normal. We did get to see the firefighters and were SO not the only ones with the neat little puke bags on the way out but other than that - all good.
We all clapped when we landed and then as we taxied in the flight attendants were walking up and down still all melodramatic asking us all if we were ok. I wanted to say "you know honestly - I would have been better if we could have stayed calm in the tense situation but you know - whatever - thanks for the story" but then I didn't.
Husband and I were talking on the way home and I said that surely they give them some kind of training about what do do in a crisis situation and I would think that a nice introductory chapter on "Don't completely freak out an entire plane full of people if it is not necessary" would be a good place to start.
But then again - what do I know....
Here is to a New Year! As usual I am sure it will be an interesting one.
Saturday, December 7, 2013
A Birth Story I have been telling for 12 years - how is that possible?
She loved our dogs! Sniff Logan and Lewis - miss them.Sunday, November 17, 2013
We Believe
